I'm affraid for him
by Halisuhtem
Summary: Why did I write this? I have no idea. Just don't get your hopes up over how horrible it is. Just felt the same story could use a new point of view. (PS: revised version. I know, my editing skills are terrible!)
1.

  
Disclaimer: I do not own or ever created any of these characters. They are not my property and I am not gaining any income from this what so ever. blah blah blah  
  
  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
You must forgive me for not being able to write to you lately however we have  
been rather busy as an entire group here at the institute. The entire place has been a buzz  
since the last entry I wrote to you all about Rogue's screaming in the night about these  
nightmares involving Kurt some how. Please don't ask me too much on the details for I'm  
afraid that I do not know very much of anything about her night visions, nor do I think  
that it is really right for me to go searching for answers although I just can't help but  
wonder.   
  
I haven't really seen much of Rogue lately anyways to ask her anything that I wish  
to know about her dreams. She's been off with the professor more and more lately as well  
as spending more time with Kurt than I normally remember. I guess probably because of  
him being in this dream that has caused so much electricity at the institute, but it still just  
doesn't make sense. I just don't see the connection. Rarely did they ever really speak  
together by themselves before all this, why *he* would end up in her dreams... I mean...  
it's not like I really mind... for the most part, but still it just doesn't fit the puzzle. I guess  
it could have something to do with the time when she drained Kurt's powers, but she's  
drained many people's powers, why not have nightmares of them?  
  
I guess I just may have missed something during the moment that she drained Kurt  
of his powers. I was just really scared at that moment that something happened to Kurt at  
that moment, I mean he just blacked out right in front of my face before I knew about  
Rogue's powers, what was I supposed to think? Guess the same that I'm supposed to  
think about now. There is just something about the two that I just can't connect,  
something more than just a normal friendship and feeling of teammates that I share with  
the both of them.  
  
Maybe I'm just making way too much out of this whole situation than I should. I  
shouldn't be so worried about that than be more worried over helping Fuzzy find out more  
about his mother. He just seems so sad with a grimace of melancholy I've never seen from  
him, yet such excitement at the same time when just the idea of finding his mother arrives.  
Rogue probably knows better about trying to find lost family, I don't know anything about  
it so I guess I'd be of no help in trying to cheer up Kurt. After all, I've had my parents and  
lived a pretty normal life up until the moment I fell through that ceiling. I know nothing  
about what Kurt is going through, living like a freak, running from everyone and never  
being able to be normal.   
  
I fear my writing must end here because I hear my name being called for dinner. I  
hope to write back sooner than last time. Until then....  



	2. 

  
  
  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
You must forgive me for my terrible hand writing but it's quite late and very dark.  
I am actually writing to you from under my sheets with a flashlight to guide me. It is very  
late at night and I do not want to disturb Rouge across the room from me. She's really had  
a rough day and she needs all the sleep she can get, but I just can't help myself but write.  
  
I just can't sleep at all, my mind keeps racing and thinking that it is keeping me up,  
even to this late hour of the night. I just need to tell someone, but who to tell? I'm afraid  
for what I damage I might cause if I told someone, although I'm afraid of what damage I  
might do if I fail to act at all. I just am so at a loss for direction that this diary is the only  
thing that I can think of to help out with my troubles.  
  
I didn't mean to spy on him at all, but I just sort of caught Kurt at a bad time  
earlier today and I'm much too afraid of what is wrong with him. I don't know if Kurt  
really believes at what Mystique was trying to lead him onto that she was his mother but it  
has obviously been bothering him. I mean, sure they both have the blue color, but that  
doesn't mean anything... right? One's furry and one's not, that is a huge difference.... at  
least I hope so for Kurt's sake. He is so depressed and so lost in the darkness of his own  
mind that I'm afraid for him.  
  
I was just going to head on out to town by myself just for a little bit of shopping  
that I needed to complete today when I accidentally bumped into Kurt who was out as  
well. I had no idea that he was away from the mansion as well, but for some reason Kurt  
didn't believe me. He gave me this odd glare of distrust and turned from me calling out  
something about everyone having to watch him in case he changes. I have no idea what he  
was talking about, no idea what was bothering him, but I didn't mean to upset him at all.  
Next thing I know he took off down an ally where no one could see him, and when I  
finally got around the corner all I found was the purple smoke he left behind.  
  
I'm afraid for Kurt, this wasn't the same Kurt that I had come to know, he was  
totally different in every aspect of the word. He's been very much like this since Rouge's  
dreams and that battle at the construction site. I fear that he is thinking that I have been  
following his every move to make sure that he doesn't side with whom he thinks is his  
mother and that we (especially me) don't trust him. I know that this is a really hard time  
for him, but... I just am lost. I don't want to tell the professor because what if he is  
watching Kurt's moves to make sure that he is not lost to Mystique, but what if he isn't  
and I am the only one who can help. I don't just want to step up and tell him that he is  
being tricked into believing who his mother is.   
  
Maybe he is right and I am wrong, but I just can't help but believe that Kurt is just  
being messed with. Mystique is so sly, so pretty much the essence of evil if you could call  
her that. And yet Kurt is so friendly, so kind hearted, they just can't be related at all! But I  
don't know if we will ever find out. Although I still don't understand what Rouge has to  
do with all this. She hasn't told me anything, even after the few moments of prodding her  
brain. I have a feeling that she somehow knows something, but I just can't go around  
suspecting this things. These people are my teammates and more important, my friends. 


	3. 

Dear Diary,  
  
I am at a more loss for words than ever before, and I just pray that today I have  
been able to help out, but I fear that I do not know until days later. I was going off to  
attend to my garden that I started to grow last week when I heard some kind of sobbing  
from behind the shed I was heading towards to get the gardening equipment. I didn't mean  
to startle Kurt, but he was just not who I was expecting to be behind the shed. I could tell  
that he was trying to fight off all his emotions that have hit him lately and that he was in  
real distress. Don't ask me what came over me, but I just instinctively grabbed hold of  
Kurt's arm just before he could port away.   
  
It was an absolutely wild ride for the split second that it lasted, but it was certainly  
one that I will not soon forget. When we arrived back into the world, I think Kurt was  
more surprised than me that I was still with him, holding onto his arm and teleporting  
along with him. I took a quick moment to see where we were. We had been ported to the  
top of a large tree that over looked the forest just outside the town. I could see almost  
everything from where I was, and yet I didn't pay any attention to it what so ever. I was  
just worried for Kurt, as I glanced up at him and saw the sparkle of the sun glicen in the  
tears that were streaking down his cheeks, even if they mixed with the fur from his face.  
  
Kurt looked very shocked that I had traveled with him, and that I refused to let go  
of him in the case he ports away again. "Keety, vhat are you doing?"  
  
I kept my grasp on his arm very tight and refused to let go of him. "I am not letting  
you disappear again without me. I am not letting you run off. I want to get everything  
straight and just wonder what's going on."  
  
"Vhat do you mean vhat's going on? I'm fine, nozhing to vorry about."  
  
"You can't fool me Kurt, you look terrible and there is definitely something  
troubling you." I don't know what exactly came over me to speak so harshly to him, I  
sounded like a mother scolding her little child for lieing.   
  
"The professor send you?"  
  
"No, what do you mean the professor sent me? What is bothering you Kurt?" Kurt  
just shrugged and turned away like he was trying to close his eyes and *poof* I'd be gone.  
"Kurt, I'm not letting you go. I want to know what's bothering you, as a friend Kurt, I'm  
afraid for you."  
  
He then turned and just looked down at me, my eyes gazing right into his, showing  
the concern that I was filled with for him. He finally breathed out a sigh and gave in. "I  
just don't know why I am here. Why I even have this life, where am I supposed to go with  
this life. I just don't know and no one can tell me why."  
  
"Kurt... I'm afraid that is only something that you will be able to figure out for  
yourself, but I do know that you have friends like me and everyone else who are behind  
you all the way. Where ever your fate takes you."  
  
"But what about my family? what about my mother?"  
  
"And who says anything about your mother? About Mystique?" The more and  
more I despise calling that monster Kurt's mother, the more and more it starts to make  
sense. I just can't help but fight that it is just a trick, but even I eventually can't fight  
reality. "Why is she bothering you all so much? No one has told me anything about what  
has been going on and I've been really worried. About you, Rouge, Mystique. Just what's  
going on?"  
  
He sighed again and I could see him fighting back more tears that he had conjured  
up since I found him behind the shed. "I had always sort of had this feeling that she was  
somehow connected to me. It's just... there is some kind of feeling. It's impossible to  
explain, Rouge would probably know more about how to say this feeling in English. Plus,  
she knows how I feel, she's known my thoughts, she's felt them."  
  
"But then why did this get you down all of a sudden?" It just all didn't make sense  
to me.  
  
"I just always fought off the feeling. I just could never believe that this feeling was  
anything less than my pathetic want for love. She was so different like me, but it was just  
stupid. She's not German, I've never seen her before. But just when she contacted me, I  
could just instantly tell that it was the truth. I know it is, I just know that this wasn't the  
regular Mystique we know, this was someone different that is trapped behind her lord."  
  
I couldn't just help feel for Kurt. He was right, we've both been fighting the truth  
and there isn't anything that could be done. "Kurt... listen. I know that life hasn't thrown  
you aces, but there isn't anything you can do about that. I know that there are people here  
who love you like family, even if we aren't exactly blood. We are all brothers and sisters,  
and we'll just have to live with it." Kurt gave me an odd glance that I've never seen in him  
before. It's almost like it was a look of actually fitting in... although I can't really be sure.  
His golden eyes are so hard to read. "Just know that Kurt, we are always here for you, we  
are always behind you. Mystique or no, blue or no, fuzzy or no."   
  
In a flash we had arrived back behind the shed at the manor. I still clung onto  
Kurt's arm tightly, not wanting to let go, but I knew my time had come. I couldn't help  
but just take one final glance at him. His tears had stopped and those in his eyes before he  
had effectively fought off. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him the biggest hug I  
could come up with, just to hammer the point home that we were behind him, especially  
me. In flash again he was gone, off to be alone to his thoughts again, but I couldn't help  
but hear his finally call of "Danke" as he disappeared and I could tell that he gave me a  
smile when he left.   
  
Well the more I think about it, the more I am sure that he smiled. Even just writing  
this down in the diary I feel so much better about it. Kurt will be alright, I'm sure he will. I  
know that I got through to him, and I only gave to him the truth.   
  
Now I guess I should go ask Rouge about explaining this whole thing to me like  
Kurt told me too. I don't get them. There is just something in common between them, but  
I just can't put my finger on it. At least I know that Rouge isn't Kurt's mother, that's a  
relief I guess you could say. As for siblings, I highly doubt it. I mean one is blue and fuzzy  
like his blue mother, the other is peach and fleshy like me and I look nothing like  
Mystique. But hey, you never know, something's are just how fate deals your cards. But  
that is for another day. Thank you for listening. 


End file.
